AGING GRACEFULLY
When vitamin supplements
become
more appealing
than makeup
By DIANE GOTTSMAN
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary
as my 25-year-old daughter,
Dana, and I set off to do a little
mother-daughter bonding. We were in
the cosmetic aisle of our favorite megastore,
perusing a million shades of grey
eye shadow, when suddenly I remembered
I was out of vitamins.
Dana unenthusiastically escorted me to
the vitamin aisle, still clutching her two
top picks of “Sand Gray” and “Moonlight” shadow, when she realized
something horrible. I was visibly more
excited about selecting a vitamin than I
was an item of makeup. The tip-off, she
said, was when I stood motionless for several
minutes, painstakingly pondering the
difference between a vitamin that supports
BONE HEALTH or an alternate that
offers both BONE and COLON HEALTH.
There it was before both of us; in a
matter of a few short seconds, I was
transformed from being a hip and happening
mom to a rapidly aging woman
with frail bones. When did I start caring
more about bone loss than weight loss? If
I am losing interest in makeup, will I soon
start dismissing my split ends and ratty
cuticles? Will I select blouses with sleeves
to “cover the back of my arms”? Will I
trade in my high heels for rubber-soled
flats and wear them with my business
suits? Are all my priorities changing?
My mind was spinning out of control
when Dana shocked me back into reality
by exclaiming, “Mom, you sound exactly
like Granny!” My mother has recently
taken up the hobby of buying millions of
vitamins, giving them out as holiday and
birthday gifts and storing what she doesn’t
use under her bed, stockpiling them
in the event of a national emergency and
praying that my father doesn’t find out
how many she has ordered. Here is what
I have to look forward to in living color.
Joking aside, my mother is far more
health conscious than I have ever been,
and I would probably benefit from taking
a few of those extra vitamins she hides
under her bed. I also understand what is
happening in my own mind. I am happily “giving in” to the power that comes
from feeling comfortable in my own 48-
year-old skin. Make no mistake, there is a
BIG difference between the terms “giving
in” and “giving up.” I always wanted
to write an article on aging, and there is
no time better than the present.
My interest in aging is not new. I actually
hold a master’s degree in social
gerontology. I have always been interested
in human dynamics and the aging
process. Years ago, I wrote my thesis on
Alzheimer’s disease, and by the end of
the thesis I was convinced I had early
onset. Each new symptom I studied presented
more and more proof I was afflicted.
Miraculously, I was cured when I finished
my thesis, graduated and focused
on something else.
Many real medical scares later, I have
learned there is no reason to borrow
trouble until it comes knocking at your
door. Do what you can to take care of
yourself and live your life confidently —
therein lies my interest in BONE AND
COLON HEALTH.
Today, when I read fashion magazines
that say “In your 20s, 30s, 40s,
50s, 80s and beyond, this is what you
should be eating, wearing, thinking,
etc.,” I reflect. In my 20s I couldn’t
have cared less what the magazines
said. In my 30s I started to take notice,
and now I dog-ear pages and circle
beauty products with an orange marker.
As we all know, there is no such
thing as a magic cream that erases
what time and gravity have created. Yet
there is a special beauty that you can
possess only when you are comfortable
in your own skin.
Give yourself permission to make
mistakes. We have spent a lifetime trying
to be a perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter,
friend and neighbor. It’s time to lighten
up. Don’t beat yourself up for forgetting
a birthday or accidentally running
over your neighbor’s flower bed.
Apologize, “fix” the offense and let it go.
No one is perfect, and mistakes are a natural
part of life. Just don’t forget the same
person’s birthday two years in a row!
If it doesn’t look good, don’t wear
it. I had the bright idea of buying and
wearing the new black satin nail polish
that is so “in” right now. The minute I put
it on I knew it was wrong for me. Not
wanting to admit defeat, I decided to see
what it looked like on my toes. In the middle
of the whole black paint fiasco, Dana
once again popped over to visit and found
me sitting on my bathroom floor covered
in black smudge. Looking at her expression,
I couldn’t help thinking that she is
much prettier when she doesn’t make that
awful scowl. The lesson here is to listen to
your instincts. A side note: Black nail polish
is almost impossible to get off.
Buy a magnified makeup mirror. It
is much easier to put on mascara when
you can find your eyes.
Let go of the fairytales. Happily
ever after seldom works without effort.
By now you should have figured out a
shiny apple or glass slipper can’t pay the
rent, be a good role model for your child
or help someone else in need. Deciding
to be a gracious giver, pointing the finger
inward instead of outward, listening
more and lecturing less are a few suggestions
you may want to consider.
Beauty sleep doesn’t hurt, either.
Size doesn’t always matter. Don’t
overlook a skirt or pair of pants that look
great on you just because the label reads
one size larger than usual. Let the rear
view mirror rather than a little tag guide
your decision.
Don’t wear your daughter’s minis,
even if they fit. It is obvious when a
woman of any age is trying too hard.
Appearing polished is NOT following the
crowd. Rather, it is influencing the crowd
with your own unique taste.
Yes to leggings. Only if worn
UNDER something else. Something
longer than shorter. Something not skintight
or cinched. Something tasteful,
something cotton. On second thought,
maybe not at all.
Act your age. That doesn’t mean sitting
at home, quilting or sipping tea
from a broken teacup, watching the cars
pass by. With age comes experience and
knowledge. Use it! Today we are more
prone to speak our mind (in a dignified
manner), act rather than react and refuse
to accept mediocrity.
Our experience has taught us what
tools work in our life and what tools are
useless. If you are still crying over a high
school sweetheart or a bad business
investment, now is the time to get over
it. Take a salsa class and make your high
school sweetheart sorry he chose wrong.
Climb a mountain, learn to kayak, do
something fun and quit worrying about “what might have been.” It might have
been terrible!
Work out your bones, not your
bottom. All right, whom am I kidding?
Work out both.
Stop saying, “I’M SO BUSY.” This
phrase is grossly overused, and those who
use it are generally dismissed as whiners.
Make new rules. Instead of mailing
a check to your local charity each month,
get out and volunteer. Rock babies, fix
the fence, work on a committee, and get
involved. Enrich someone else’s world
and make a difference in your own.
Smile more and frown less. Be aware
that wrinkles do not make a person unattractive.
Cynicism, unforgiveness, anger
and jealousy are the real culprits. It takes 72
muscles to make the same face Dana
seems to be using a lot more of lately.
Don’t blame everything on hot
flashes. “Are you hot in here, or is it just
me?” is not a good conversation starter.
Limit the night sweat stories to close —
very close — friends.
And finally, this is a message for
both men and women:
Less is better than more.
Men, midlife crisis is a phenomenon.
(I studied it.)
Just because you can doesn’t mean
you should.
The adage “the grass is always greener”
is not always true. “If only I” (had
chosen a different career, married a different
husband or wife, gone to a different
college, gone to college, had been
born taller, shorter…) keeps you stuck!
Mid-40s, mid-60s, mid-80s, 100 years
is not an automatic induction to old age.
On the day nine years ago that my husband
and I brought our new baby boy
home from the hospital, he also received
his first issue of the AARP magazine.
(They have some great articles.)
Whatever it takes, walk, run or skip
to find what makes you happy, what
makes your heart sing and what gives
you a feeling of fulfillment and joy.
This shift does not have to topple
friendships, unravel marriages or upset
family life.
The real key to a truly beautiful woman
is how happy she feels about herself,
inside first, rather than out. Why waste
your energy and 72 muscles frowning?
Diane Gottsman is director of the
Protocol School of Texas and appears
regularly on San Antonio Living on
WOAI.
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